11 December, 2012

(rambling)

I don't have anything specific to talk about today, I just wanted to do some free-writing and see where it takes me. It's kind of an exercise for me, as a budding writer, so if it's okay with you, I'd like to get started. Except I guess I already did, so in that case, I'd like to continue. I'm kind of liberal with my use of commas, and I hope that's okay, but then again, as I write, I realize that I don't care what you think about my comma usage. I don't say that in the negative, "I'm a douche and my opinion is better than yours" sort of way, I mean that this post isn't really for anyone but me, and in it, I'm going to do things the way it looks like it's supposed to be done to me. I'm also quite apologetic, it seems. No, it doesn't seem that I am, I actually am. I always feel like I'm intruding or infringing on someone else, so I always try to smooth things over and play nice, because I don't want to step on any toes, literally or otherwise. I suppose that's just my personality, the conflict-resolver. Or avoider. And so it goes. In any event, I would say that I think I've spent enough time talking about what pretty much amounts to a preface of an introduction, but in a free-write exercise, I guess there is no preface or introduction, just a lot of words in the shape of nonsense to everyone but the writer. I'm not entirely certain if it's even going to mean anything to me except for the fact that this is what was going through my head in this moment, on this day, under these circumstances. Which I suppose is a pretty enormous concept to try and wrap my head around, as this is part of my own personal makeup, my identity, my...well...self. This little rambling post that's plays mary hop from one idea to the next and with no paragraphical outlines and made-up words is who I am as of the moment of this writing, and that person is going to change into someone different, maybe not a lot different, maybe barely even infinitesimally different, but different nonetheless. I have Mutemath playing in the background, over headphones because I'm in the library, mostly because they make me feel comfortable. Mutemath, not the library. Although I do adore libraries. Mutemath is a security blanket I can take with me. For some reason, the songs just resonate with the core of me and they allow me to feel. I realized, when I had the idea for this post, that there will usually be two fonts for posts, as I am currently writing on a computer, and two of the others have been written on my phone. Or three, I cannot remember presently. The ones with different font and size from this one. I suppose I could always change the font and size on my phone before I type, just as I did on the webpage, but I typically don't even think about it when I'm on the phone. I suppose that's a shitty excuse, but it's all I have at the moment. I think I'm going to go have a cigarette, then a bagel and wait for Mistletoe in the cafeteria. Yeah, that idea sounds like it would work for me, but I do have to go to the bathroom first.

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