11 April, 2013

Job Hunting (a full-contact sport for the psyche)

I hate looking for a job. It's probably my least-favorite thing ever. Even more than standing in line at the DMV, or being stuck in traffic when I'm already late. There should be something in place that makes the whole process less maddening. I truly loathe looking for a new job. I think it's actually the only thing I literally hate.

I just don't understand why I get so palm-sweatingly, mind-blankingly moronic when it comes to the interview process.

"Where do you want to be in five years?"

"Anyplace where my kneecaps are!"

Ever since I told an attractive woman about the existence of my kneecaps (age 19) in an attempt to begin flirting with her, the whole subject of my kneecaps has been a go-to for me to convey nervousness.

In any event, as I've previously stated (and will most likely say again), I loathe job-hunting. The whole process of filling out an application is both tedious and mind-numbing. I think that's what hell is. The absolute worst is if you don't get hired by the first place you apply to, for then you have to fill out another application.

Similarly obnoxious is ensuring that my resume is up to date. It's not as bad as filling out an application, however, and is my preferred choice. Have an option for me to send you my resume? Kick ass, I'll do that over an application any day.

I am currently looking for a second job, because, as I said yesterday, I'm looking to move to Arizona, and I want to have as much money in the bank as I can, so I have a nice buffer. I want to be able to get to know my surroundings down there before I begin the soul-crushing experience of job-hunting in the blazing sun.

Next: Let's learn how to learn!


  1. your post was simultaneously hilarious and touching. There is no worse job than the job of job hunting...good luck to you ....you have a great reason to be working 2 jobs! Cheers!

    1. Thank you very much for the luck and the compliments! I think I could get used to having you around.

  2. Really enjoying your blog! As someone who has kept the same crappy job for 20 years because I hate job hunting, I feel your pain. I also worked two jobs for 11 years, another trap I found myself in and luckily managed to have an exit provided for me (but oh do I miss the money!). Good luck to you and hopefully by next A to Z you will be enjoying life in the sun!

    1. Thank you for reading! I'm not entirely sure I understood the 'exit' bit, but wow...eleven or twenty years at one job. Amazing. I'm filled with ennui by 18 months. Hah.